At the age of 30, I found myself staring back at those two little pink lines, and my life changed forever. Everything I thought I knew about my future was turned upside down. I was going to be a parent. And then, at just 10 weeks, 6 days, we experienced a devastating pregnancy loss.

Stunned by the shock of it all, I was filled with anticipatory grief. How could this happen? Why did it happen? And what do I do now? The seemingly random nature of pregnancy loss caused me to spiral into a perinatal mood disorder that lasted almost an entire year. 

I knew I wasn't alone — but I felt alone. I knew it wasn't my fault — but it felt like my fault.

Fortunately, I had a wonderful, supportive community around me, and after space and time to begin the healing process, I became pregnant again 17 months later. We now are blessed to have a beautiful little girl named Nina.

When I was pregnant with Nina, I was prepared to hate breastfeeding. My loss, along with other life challenges, taught me that my body was not to be trusted. I fully expected that it just wouldn’t work for me.

But, much to my surprise, nursing my child helped heal my relationship with my body. Nursing Nina has been one of the greatest joys of my life. It taught me to tune into my body, trust my instincts, and nurture my child in the best way I know how.